didi

阳光

2012-01-24T02:31:00.001+08:00

The most amazing thing happened!
My MacBook pro, on the very first day of the Lunar New Year, decided that it loves sleeping so much (wonder who it learnt from?) that it is refusing to be turned on now (:
isn't that terrific?

Numb.

Initially I was really upset and worried.
But currently, I'm so numb to it that it surprises me too.

Not only am I numb, I'm actually taking it in stride.

I've decided to be a sheep to fate and I am telling myself to just get used to it since this year just isn't going to be a good year for my zodiac sign anyway~ This is just the first of many things that are going to go wrong. If I am going to be upset by so many of them, isn't the whole year going to be terribly miserable?

Surprisingly, I'm actually feeling quite calm now about the whole matter. Thinking positively really helps! (:

I refrained from making any resolution as the calendar turned 2012. However, I've decided to make one now... not just for this year, but a long term resolution.

And that is I want to be positive.

I think I've always tended to be more on the negative side, more of a the-glass-is-half-empty kind of person. Recently I've come to realized that there are really very few positive people around, and part of the reason is because it's really hard to stay positive! Everytime a positive person tries to spread his/her positivity around, s/he will get drenched in cold water by all the negative people around.

Slowly, but almost surely, the positive person will get less and less positive as s/he absorbs in the negativity around him/her ): even if not, s/he will learn to stop trying to spread his/her positivity around because s/he doesn't want to be put down again ~

Isn't that such a sad fact!?

Therefore, although it's going to be hard, I'm still going to try my best!!

我要成为灿烂的阳光，而不是沮丧的乌云。（：

looking back at 2011

2012-01-02T03:23:00.001+08:00

i really should be studying for my mcat now...

but i thought that i really should take some time to reflect back on 2011~

my thesis

i spent a large part of 2011 on my thesis. there was a deadline, after all. i had to finish it by 3rd august, that is, the end of my scholarship. if i have yet to submit my thesis by then, i'll have to pay one semester of school fees just so that i could continue working on my thesis. being the money minded me, i told myself that i die die also must submit my thesis by august. of which luckily i did.

the examiners took around 2-3 months to get back and my thesis only required minor amendments. i was really fortunate because most of my friends required major amendments. but, like i told them, it really must be because my examiners were much more lenient than theirs, and not because my thesis was well written. after the final submission, i was finally conferred my master degree on the last day of november (: 终于苦尽甘来了。(:

there really are a lot of people that i have to thank for making my masters journey less difficult to complete.

first and foremost is of course my supervisor dr ryan hong. he really was a very big help throughout my 2 years masters candidature. he is very patient and i know there were some times when i might have failed to meet his expectations but he had never lost his temper or became impatient. he was also always there if i had any questions, of which i am really grateful for because i know of many friends whose supervisors were either mia or just could not be bothered with their supervisees!

i am also very grateful for my masters friends, of which i am closest to suqi and minyee (: i am really glad to have found them and it made my master journey a not so lonely one (: and of course there are also others like shimin, weiping, kaiqin, zhaoxiu all of whom are very nice people (: it's always nice to gather together and gossip and complain :P

there are also the psychology department staff, of whom are all very nice as well (: i was TA under susheel and i must say that she is really very nice. i was truly fortunate to be able to work under her for PL1101E. and there are also the office staff, of whom i must give special thanks to poh yee and mr paul leong (when he was still with the department), as they helped me tremendously with the booking of the computer labs. booking only marhs, you must be thinking. it's really not that easy and to have to carry out the study for so many participants, even small little details like settling the computer labs can be a big headache. > < luckily there were really nice admin staff to help us (:

may/june

most of may and june was spent at the nuh observation programme. i was really lucky to be chosen for the programme because i heard from reshmi that there were quite a lot of people who signed up for it and they had to reject some people due to limited resources. i got to know a bunch of psychology students, and we are known as the poppies. they are a really cute bunch and i'm glad we still whatsapp once in while to catch up ~ (:

it may be quite unbelievable but this short programme which lasted not more than 2 months made me change my mind regarding my dream job. as you may know, i've always wanted to be a clinical psychologist. however, during the programme, i came into contact with some really nice psychiatrists, of whom dr terence leong left the deepest impression in me.

dr terence is very nice towards all his patients and you can see the genuine concern he has for them. he shakes all his patients' hand when they come into the clinic. but what impressed me most is that he is not like some doctors (no names~ -_-) who think that, just because they have a medical degree, they are the highest ranked in the hospital and thus view the others as below them. dr terence treats all his co-workers with respect. he is also a very good teacher - always allowing us to ask him questions and also even if we had no questions he will pop some questions for us to think through about the cases. i really learnt a lot from him (:

no, do not be mistaken. all the psychologists at nuh are very nice people! (: i really loved all of them so much.

but being through the programme i realised that the divide between the psychologists and the psychiatrists is too ridiculous. let me give you an example. even a mere medical officer thinks so highly of herself that she doesn't even show the psychologists respect at all (medical officer is the lowest rank of the doctors, after you pass your housemanship). just because you have a medical degree doesn't mean that you can treat other people like they are just your slave and you call upon them only when there are cases you don't want to handle. that's not the way.

it's true that they are not certified to prescribe medicine but that's about it. they are definitely as qualified to give a diagnosis (though not allowed to in many hospitals in singapore - only doctors can give the diagnosis -_-), and to come up with a treatment plan using psychotherapy, which have time and again been proven in controlled studies to be more effective than only taking medicine. yes it's true that you can try and understand psychotherapy by going for "courses" but these are certified psychologists we are talking about. they had gone through hours and hours of practicuum and there is no way the "courses" you attend will ever allow you to be able to reach the standard of a certified psychologist in terms of psychotherapy. the best treatment plan for the patient is, no doubt, the combination of medicine and psychotherapy, and this had too been proven by controlled studies.

so why the hell do you think you are better than the psychologists when all you do is see the patient for 10 mins ask them how they are how's your sleep how's your appetite etc ok i'll give you this medicine today make sure you take them come back again on xxx date bye bye.

ok, again, NOT all psychiatrists treat their patients this way but i can ensure you that those who are do not make up a small percentage. and the number of psychiatrists who think that they are "more superior" than psychologists is even way larger. don't understand why? me neither. it's probably an in-group versus out-group mentality. and they must feel threatened because psychologists are only recently on the rise in singapore and "invading" a field that previously only belonged to the psychiatrists.

anyways, to cut the long story short, i have decided that somebody has got to stand out and make a change, and if i wanted to be able to help push for the rights of the psychologists, then i cannot just be a psychologist. it will not be enough, because i'll just be speaking for my own people and probably no one will listen. if i wanted to make a difference, i had to be a doctor. that is the only way.

i know you must be thinking i'm mad~ what makes me think i'll be able to make a difference. and like what teo said, even if i were able to, it's not just going to be achievable in the recent future. it'll probably take many years.

but yay~ i've since set my heart and mind on getting a medical degree and thus have applied to duke-nus. my mcat is on 28th january! oh god there's so much to study for and i feel like i'm dying. wish me luck! (:

august

when i first heard that fred papa wanted to run for the tiong bahru yec head, he didn't approach me directly actually. but i was already tempted to join because kit, tiong and meitoon were joining too! i would really love to have an opportunity to work with all of them again (: i remember subsequently it was tiong who asked me whether i would like to join them (:

actually at that time i was quite hesistant~ and i got to find out that fred papa didn't ask me to run also because he feared that didi might not be for it. and it's true that silly didi was not, because he is really worried about whether i'll have enough time to do so many things! especially since i've set my goals on getting a medical degree. it's definitely not going to be easy.

but i'll always keep what didi said in mind - that time is a limited resource and whatever we choose to spend our time on, we'll just have less time for other things. i really have to thank didi for giving me advice on time management. i've promised didi that i'll learn to manage my time better and most importantly, no matter what, i'll always have time for my didi (:

i subsequently also asked nii-chan and junming to join the yec together (: i am truly grateful that after all these years since e4, our group 7 family is still going strong (: we spent the last day of 2011 together and we are looking forward to another wonderful year together (: i really love all of them so much because although we haven't known each other for very long, and although we may not always have time to catch up with each other, but our ties and our chemistry do not fade. i know that they are people that i can depend on if i ever need them (:

october/november

i managed to meet up quite a number of times with my squadmates and i realised that they are the group of people that i've known for the longest that i am still close to now! (: i am really glad our friendship is still going strong (: it's been almost 13 years!

yuwen invited us to her wedding and it's the first squadmates' wedding that we attended (: we are really happy for her and because she's the first we made a scrapbook for her! i don't think that the rest will get such a good treatment next time :P it wasn't easy to coordinate the making of the scrapbook!

december

december was xinyi's wedding! (: it was really fun preparing everything together with the jiemeis - mayi, han, peishan and yingxiu (xinyi's uni friend). this is another group of people that i am especially thankful for. i was actually only classmates with them for 1 year (secondary 2), but our friendship has lasted until now! (: like what mayi said, some things are just meant to be (: like we aren't even close to other people whom we had been classmates for a few years~ it's a really special friendship to me and i am really grateful that i am part of this clique (:

december was our 03s23 chalet also. i really don't even know such a spooky chalet actually exist >< i just hope that all of them had fun! this year will be our 9th year already! haha~ doing all the math really makes me feel very old, but at the same time i am really glad that i have all these great friends who stayed through the years with me (: someone (no names!) is always complaining about nj, but to me nj memories are precious because of 03s23! (: most of us will agree that the class you are with will make/break your jc life, because mostly your jc life comprise of moving from class to class with them. i am really happy that i had such a wonderful class (:

and also not forgetting terra house reps and oac! haha ~ my cca brough another dimension into my jc life. and most memorable for me is how terra 6th started out separated into 2 cliques, but then became united as 1 at the end of the term and still keeping in contact now (: and i am so proud that terra was 1st that year (: i will always remember what ranjay said to me that day when we took the trophy: "i've never been so proud to be in terra before!" (:

4w clique

i finally got to see pig again! (: all of us really missed her a lot! on the day that we met after so many years, she broke the news that she was going to usa to study for her phd. it was really quite sudden a news for me and she said that she won't be coming back in these 6 years, even during cny, because the tickets are expensive (and that's understandable). i'm really missing her now but i am really glad that she is able to persue her dreams (: all the best pig! (:

it is quite perculiar but as pig returns from her recluse, huey decided to become uncontactable. ): or maybe just to me because apparently pig and cher still managed to talk to her previously. but no matter whether i email facebook gchat her, she doesn't reply. i really don't like to be in a relationship of which i put in so much but i don't feel like the other person care at all? at least for pig i know she still cares about me just like i care about her, even though i did not get to see her very often at all. and pig did reply when i occasionally dropped her a sms or an email.

for huey, even though she replied to many other things and she still posted to google buzz, she did not so much as bothered to reply a single email i sent her? i really don't understand that and i seriously do feel sad about it ): but it's fine i guess... cher said it's cos she's just busy with her work and she will be less busy come jan / feb 2012. i shall hope so. (: i do miss her~ ):

but i'm quite glad to have cher all to myself all this while haha (: i know right, so selfish haha~ but really got closer to her i feel (: i really love listening to all her stories about her students (: and she never fail to amaze me with her knowledge of branded bags and makeup stuff (: there's always so many things to learn from her (: and she always makes me laugh (:

it's funny cos i think our personality don't actually match up? i think it applies to the whole clique? jia is melancholic, cher is sarcastic, huey is critical and i'm just plain brainless and crazy (all the above not intended as negative). haha(: but i'm really glad we are making an effort to still meet up and catch up (: i guess that's what matters right (:

thirdseptember / the gypsydoll

previously when pervert decided to pull out of thirdseptember our friendship was strained, but i am glad that we have since made up and are still friends now (:

mer and i had been planning to start anew but things had not been going so well. we were not able to leave on a business trip overseas. despite all the shit that we are faced with, i really hope that we can persevere because i believe that we will be able to do well as we have what it takes to differentiate us from the rest (:

and i would really like to thank mer for being willing to stick through all these with me. i am still very interested in a blogshop business but alone i will definitely not be able to handle. thus i am really glad to have her with me (:

and anna is still in japan! it hasn't been an easy year for her. i just wish that 2012 will be a better year for her in all aspects of her life and that most importantly she will be happy (:

of course i'm saving the 2 most important person to the last ~

my bestest bff

we always reminiscence about our sec 2 time together and about how i used to not like her so much but eventually grew close together because of terra (: there's really nothing i can say about how lucky i am to know her. i think time and again i've given her a lot of trouble by asking her to do this and that with me but she's always there for me (: and she's always bubbly and cheery and there's just never a dull moment with her (: and i love all the crazy things we do together - 2 person k-ing, watching out for shuai ges, looking up make up, talking about everything and anything etc~ thank you so much for being my bff merlion~ (: you are truly the merlion in my eye! (:

my silly didi

it's been 6 years already (: and counting (:

i've always believed that i am able to meet him in this lifetime because in my previous lifetime i must have done a lot of good deeds and that's why i was blessed with the fortune to get together with him. so i am determined to accumulate a lot of good karma this lifetime so that i can meet with him again next lifetime (:

if not for my didi, frankly, i really don't know how i would have survived the last 2 years. i guess mentally i was just not strong enough to convince myself that completing it will be able to allow me to fulfill my (then) dream. thank you so much silly for always being there for me, for always giving me good advice, for bearing with my tantrums when i am stressed and for always caring about me. (:

and thank you also for giving me your full support when i told you that i want to apply for duke-nus. (: thank you for letting me chase my dreams with no worries, knowing that you'll always be there for me (:

i know you always say there's no need for thank yous but i really just want to tell you that i am really really grateful that i have you (: (:

2012

for me, the first and foremost wish i have is that i hope to be accepted into duke-nus. but if not i'll just work in the meantime and i'll apply again (: if i am accepted i'll start off by reading up first because i feel that as compared to the bioscience and pharmacy students i am wayyyyyyy lagging behind so i'll have to work harder. if i am not and i did not do well for my mcat i'll revise harder and retake my mcat (hopefully there's no need for this omg!)

of course there's the weight losing resolution ~ i've decided that 1kg per month sounds like a okay goal so i'll work hard towards that! (:

and most importantly i hope to keep my temper in check and i aim to learn to be more grateful and give thanks to little things that come my way (: by doing so, i hope i will be able to love my friends, love my family and love my didi more in the coming year (:

all the best for 2012 my dear friends and my silly didi!(:

忙

2011-11-26T21:48:00.001+08:00

突如其来的变化使得我忽然有好多好多东西必须在这几个月完成。

＊ Duke NUS 的申请期限是来临的星期四。
＊必须在这周内完成出版论文的稿。
＊一月二八日是MCAT考试－这意味着我必须在短短两个月的时间重温'A' Level 的生物学及化学，并且要掌握我一向来都好抗拒的物理。

都是对我的前途而言，很重要的东西。

忽然又重新领悟到了我以前曾读过的一段话，类似如此：

人生短短几十年，我们没有必要把时间花在一些不重要的人或物。我们最宝贵的时间应只留给若缺乏了将让我们生命没了意思的人与物。

身边好像总有数不完的约会。
其实我都好想去的说。

但是我得好好的记住以上的那段话。

切记把从不等人的时间只留给最重要的人与物。

PS: 我会用中文写部落格是因为受到了我朋友的影响。我们都深深的被《那些年，我们一起追的女孩》给吸引住了，也都重新领悟到了中文的美。本人认为是时候找回我对中文的那份喜好与热诚了。(:

PPS: 若有错别字请见谅！d:

2007-8

2011-11-16T11:03:00.001+08:00

what was i doing in 2007 and 2008!

i was so busy with cca that i totally missed out on some great music...

i have totally no idea about the cds that jay produced during that period of time - i only recently bought and listened ~

plus i missed out and forgot about an entire simple plan album!
i've got to catch up on that before the concert so that i can sing to the songs!! (:

how long can we sustain

2011-11-02T18:22:00.001+08:00

i went for a run around yishun
much to my dismay

instead of the large pieces of green lucious land
and thick forested areas that i used to know

all i saw were white metallic barriers bordering up the land
with cranes sticking their heads high into the sky
with its menancing hook right at the end
as if saying "this land is ours to claim"

since when is that true?

yesterday the 7 billionth baby was borned
and the rate of growth is alarming if you did not know
1st to 2nd billion took a century
2nd to 3rd billion a few decades
and from then on every decade added 1 billion

how long is earth going to last us?
at this rate we are going
i really doubt for long
it really made me wonder if i want to give birth
why would i want to give birth to let him/her suffer?

all this just from a simple run
why don't everyone else realise it too?

Sent from my iPhone(:

2011-10-23T00:40:00.002+08:00

irritated >< i got a scare when i saw the design of this blog turned into something really CMI >< lucky able to revert back to this (:

what kind of friend am I?

2011-10-09T20:49:00.000+08:00

I think that I am truly a totally failed friend.

It seemed that at every turn in my life, I've always managed to hurt somebody. In primary school, in secondary, in uni and now again. And it's always because of my warped point of view, my stubbornness, my failure to see that I am in fact in the wrong. It always start and end with me hurting someone without even knowing I've hurt them. Such irony because I always thought that I am a sensitive person. Yay sensitive only to my own feelings apparently.

I am such a totally failed friend.

Maybe I don't even deserved to be called a friend right? Friends don't hurt each other. Not even unintentionally.

Sighs. I really think there's something wrong with my personality. I really gotta change. How long more can I go on like this? The hurt always come one full round back to me but it seems that I still have yet to learn my lesson?!

You need to wake up Koh Shiyun.

foresaken by sleep

2011-08-13T02:52:00.000+08:00

i lie awake now in bed, unable to fall asleep. both sleep and the reason behind my sleeplessness eludes me.

as such is the human mind, i am drawn to think about things. and currently my attention is focused on current happenings. i am compelled to note them down because as it is, my memory is no doubt on the decline. day by day the change may be insignificant, but over time, it's not hard to realise the increasing difficulties to remember even recent events.

a phase of my life is coming to an end. at last, i am to be submitting my thesis in. it could have been a past event as of today, but due to the lack of a single signature by the department head i was unable to complete my submission today. regardless, i should be able to hand it in in the beginning days of the coming week.

these two years. thinking back brings mixed feelings. at times i couldn't help but wonder if i should have instead found a relevant job that would help in applying for my psyD.

but if that were to have happened, the chance to experience the nuh psychology observation programme would probably not have arise. without which, the mere thought of applying for duke nus would have never crossed my path.

from here on the journey is full of uncertainty. will the application for duke nus go through? if not will the application for psyD go through? if not where will i eventually end up?

when the going gets tough along this journey, there are times when i forget what i am fighting for. my memory, it seems, even fails me for important matters such as this. if there is a god almighty above, i pray i would not live my life in vain. small it may be, but i hope that in my short presence on earth i would be able to contribute to a good cause within the best of my ability. (:

-----

all this while, i am really glad that you were there for me. it really hasn't been an easy journey. research is simply not cut out for me, unfortunately ): thank you for being there for me. for not giving up on me. for accompanying me through all the starbucks sessions. for all the endless encouragement that you gave me that kept me going. for loving me nonstop and unconditionally.

i dare to say that without you, it would not have been possible for me to complete my thesis. an exaggeration you may think. but, no, that's speaking truthfully from the bottom of my heart. no one knows better than you the countless times when irrationality got the better of me and the thought of giving up actually dawned upon me. it was you who was constantly by my side to spur me on, both physically and mentally.

no amount of words can ever describe my gratitude to you.

but i still want to say, thank you silly. thank you for being my silly(:

-----

certain recent events got me to start thinking about who are the really close friends in my life. i wanted to delete those un-close friends from facebook, so as to free up my facebook from being over cluttered by accquaintances. but i thought the better of it because i'll need to promote thegypsydoll when it's up and running (:

back to the serious topic, how many close friends do i really have? for clarification, the definition of close friend will to me means someone whom i can turn to when i encounter difficulties.

a handfuls come straight to my mind. some are ambiguous. the rest whom didn't cross my mind probably don't matter so much in my life.

wells doubt there's any real reason behind this. probably just one of my many silly thoughts.

-----

sleep further eludes me. situations like thus are hard to come by, knowing me. lucky for me, because truthfully, it is not a good feeling.

yawning, i feel the tiredness. but sleep does not come.

i shall stop my rambling and continue on my pursue for elusiveness such as is sleep tonight, for me at least.

i hope that all my close friends and loved ones are immersed in sweet dreams at this very moment and leave torments like their sleeplessness to me tonight.

Sent from my iPhone(:

张学友 - 每天爱你多一些 [KTV] ktv.playinmel.com

2011-06-27T10:17:00.000+08:00

for my didi (:

4 days till didi comes home~

2011-06-27T10:11:00.000+08:00

four days!! (: haha! finally the number is small enough to fit into one hand of mine. haha~ i can't can't simply can't wait for the day when didi comes home! (: i'm super excited now haha (:

but before that, i've to work hard on my thesis. now that the POP has ended, it's really time to get serious in finishing up on my thesis. i wonder how all my other masters friends are doing. i only know that suqi handed in long ago already (because her work started on 1 june) but really not sure about the rest. am i like one of the last ones? haha~

well yarhs i know larhs it doesn't really matter. as long as i hand in before my scholarship ends haha~ i don't want don't want to pay 1 more semester of school fees >,< haha~ :P

gonna work hard NOW! (:

五月天 - 咸鱼

2011-06-11T16:07:00.000+08:00

thank you silly for posting this video on my fb (: it really means a lot to me (:

(:

39 days till didi comes home~

2011-05-23T19:13:00.001+08:00

i haven't had time to blog since the psychology observation programme started last monday (: since the start of the programme i've changed shoes TWICE! yes twice. are you wondering whether i bring my feet along when i buy shoes? apparently NOT ):

there are at least like 5 blisters on my feet! and they are all caused by my stooooopidness~ sighs. either that or i'm just not meant to wear closed toes shoes. but luckily i finally asked and they said closed toes shoes are not a must so i got a pair of peep toes wedges :P

the people at the nuhs department of psychological medicine are all very nice! (: the clinical psychologists are nice, the case managers are nice [meitoon is there! (:] and so are the doctors (most~) haha :D

but having first hand experience in a hospital setting made me realise that psychologists are like really second class to the psychiatrists ): unlike in australia and in the states, the patients can't come in and just say they want an appointment with the psychologist. basically they'll only see us if they are directed by the psychiatrists. and i heard that sometimes the cases don't get passed on... not because they don't actually need our help, but for whatever reason you can go and think for yourself..

and also, we don't get to make the diagnosis. which is like duh? why can't we? we learn in depth about the disorders too. i understand why we can't give the medicine of course (not that we didn't learn about them ><). but making the diagnosis? i feel like it's a real insult to our intelligence really.

sighs ): my new friend (all the pop attachies are all nice people luckily! (: there are five of us, three gals two guys - one of which was my student >,< which is quite weird~~ haha) said that at imh it's not this bad. as in the psychologists at imh get to do diagnosis too? that's what she said larhs i'm not sure~ but still no matter where the psychiatrists are still the ones who are like the "big shots". please lorhs.

we all know that the medicine don't cure. it just treats the symptoms. the therapies are the one which really cures. the medicine controls the symptoms so that the patient can benefit from the therapies. from what i see some of the patients seem to be quite dependent on their medicine and how can this be a good sign i wonder?

it really makes me want to go and study medicine.

because i really think that we need people to step out to advocate the change in the system. we are just simply too backwards in our treatment of mental disorder in singapore. i believe clinical psychologists should have more say in the diagnosis and in the treatment of mental disorders in singapore.

i think, with a medical degree, maybe i'll have more say?

i won't be a doctor with a clinical psychology degree, no.

i'll be a clinical psychologist with a medicine degree. (:

that's my dream for now.

impossible? maybe.

but like adidas says..

"impossible is nothing."

47 days till didi comes home~ II

2011-05-15T20:48:00.001+08:00

this is just a thought i had in the shower today...

it's just really random. i can't remember why i was suddenly thinking of this also haha (:

if only we can spend the money that we (unfortunately) will be using for our wedding dinner and spend it instead on a trip to overseas with our immediate family members and make it a small celebration.

i imagine that it'll be a place with blue seas and nice beaches. it'll be a simple affair. just us. and our family.

on a cliff overlooking the sea, we'll have the ceremony as the sun goes to sleep for the day and paints the sky in rainbow colors. we'll proceed on to dinner with the wind blowing in our ears, carrying with it the soft rush of the waves crushing onto the beaches below. as we enjoy our meals, our dear friends from millions of light years away peek out at us. so many of them in the sky blinking and witnessing our love. a shooting star dashes across the sky and both of us stop whatever we are doing and make the same wish to be silly-ly-ly together forever.

wouldn't it be nice? (:

47 days till didi comes home~

2011-05-15T14:06:00.000+08:00

i haven't been blogging in the last few days because there's really nothing much >~<

i am just rushing my thesis now.

tomorrow is the start of the observation programme at nuh. i really hope that everything will go well.

---

i read on the news today that SM Goh and MM Lee are stepping down from their positions in their Cabinet. i think that this is a really important and crucial decision for the nation. i've always believed in finding good and capable successors and training them so that they can take over and do as well, if not better. (:

i really hope that this fourth generation of leaders will be able to lead singapore to greater heights.

somehow, reading about all these news make me feel like taking a part to. but really politics is not in my blood. i really hate politics. towards the end of the GE i was just really hoping that everything will end soon because i couldn't stand the endless criticisms on either side.

looking around me, i wonder who will rise from my batch / my generation to lead in the future. i wonder whether anyone i know will be running for elections come that time. haha~

no matter who, no matter what,
i just hope that singapore will stay the way it is today.

safe and prosperous, where everyone lives in harmony. where we live in harmony with other countries. and where we have clean roads and excellent infrastructure. a place i can call home (:

you may say some of these things are really threading on thin line, like racial harmony. but looking around us in this region, what we have achieved and is enjoying today is nothing short of a miracle. we have our forefathers to thank.

but without a strong team to take over the helm, our very existence is at risk.

i hope we can unite as a nation so that we can move forward together (:

majulah singapura! (:

52 days till didi comes home~

2011-05-10T23:59:00.000+08:00

another uneventful day just passed):

progress on thesis is really slow... ...

i really look forward to the day didi is back in singapore again... but at the same time i feel highly anxious regarding the arrival of that day because it means that it'll already be july and i really am unsure whether i can complete my thesis by then.

but i am very sure that i do not want to pay a semester of school fees just so to complete my thesis. no way mans! i will want to spend that money fruitfully, i.e. buying my nikon dslr!!

ok stop crapping so much i'll go back and do work now ):

53 days till didi comes home~

2011-05-09T23:59:00.011+08:00

today is an uneventful day really. i was supposed to meet up with the ushers for qiying's birthday celebration but couldn't make it in the end ):

my ushers friends.

hanging out with them is always a mixed feeling for me. i really love hanging out with them because they are all so funny. (: at times there can be really non-stop laughter when i'm with them. and they are all really nice people too (:

but because i am not very close to anyone in particular, there are some times when i feel a little left out. haha. it's just me larhs really. i feel insecure way too easily. haha.

sometimes i really wonder whether i am an introvert or an extrovert. i guess this is where the situationists come in. it really depends on the situation haha~

i wonder how's the progress of the usher shirt (: haha :D qiying they all had an idea to make an usher shirt for everyone! (: it's so cool! (: the last time we were discussing the girls will be "Miss This Way Please" or something like that haha (: i hope we will really get it done haha (:

54 days till didi comes home~

2011-05-08T23:59:00.000+08:00

today is mother's day (: my family don't usually celebrate mother's day.

i made a card for mommy! (:

and since i was at it i decided to just finish making the cards for the may/june babies (: sighs don't scold me didi it was really record timing already! i only took around 1 day for 15 cards! (: haha i am quiet secretly proud of myself (:

i am really envious of those people who make cards for a living haha~ like kristine at twopeasinabucket.com. okay she doesn't survive on making cards. she survive by selling scrapbooking materials at twopeasinabucket. but she gets to make cards~ haha :D ok i'm mad yes i know~

if didi earns big bucks maybe i'll just be a card maker (: and an online fashion seller (: haha :D yayyyyyyy (:

dream on~

55 days till didi comes home~

2011-05-07T23:59:00.072+08:00

we went out to celebrate fred papa's birthday today (belated) (: it was a pity that junming and ching couldn't join us ): hopefully we'll be able to go for a full family outing soon! (:

we first had lunch at swiss culture (: no originality i know but come on there really isn't any other food that is nicer around the area, i feel. haha~ (: we took a photo around the table! (:

the chicken wings, as usual, is still fabulously juicy and really finger licking good (not that i use my fingers haha. but it is very thoughtful of the restaurant to always serve it with a bowl of lemon water and serviettes). however, we had to agree that our most favourite swiss cheese and mushroom pasta didn't taste as nice as usual, probably because like what tiong said, the novelty wore off. yes tiong used that exact phrase. we were wondering why/how his "engrish" got better. haha~nevertheless, personally i feel it was still a good lunch! (:

afterwards we moved over to the new asia bar at swissotel to chill, fulfilling fred papa's request of a quiet place to chill. i believe it should be quite a happening place at night, basing on the pictures they flash across their television screens. but in the afternoon it really is a cool place to hang out (: there's not many people at all (there's not many people everywhere actually... maybe because it's polling day and everyone is staying at home / queueing up to vote / something) and the drinks at these hours is only $12 bucks each! though so, the amount of alcohol in each is definitely not compromised, evident from my red face unfortunately. hate it! everytime i drink my face gets so red urgh!

and of course the best is we are all the way up in the sky (nearly) at 71 storey. how can anyone not like that ~ chilling at the 71st storey, enjoying your drink, looking out at the sea (if you are at the correct section haha) and we also ordered strawberries and cream! (: lovely! (:

i have got to bring didi here!! :D and *mental note* good place to introduce for our shop blog next time (:

the plan after chilling was, at first, to bring fred papa over to the wine company @ sentosa broadway for dinner, where we will surprise him with a cake, and then bring him over to USS for Hollywood After Hours to catch the fireworks.

however, fred papa suggested that he wanted to watch Water for Elephants and kit ma said as long as he's happy which tiong and i agreed. so that's what we did instead. we'll save the fireworks for next time when junming and ching are with us! (: that'll be more fun too! (:

Water for Elephants is a really nice show (: but i wouldn't recommend it to mer (if you are reading) because in the show the circus manager was very cruel to the elephant ): it really made me really sad. i think it'll make you even sadder.

but i am glad it's a happy ending for all - the male lead, the female lead (love her she is SO pretty!) and the elephant! (:

i was thinking of didi when i watched the show. i was hoping to watch it with him but it's ok (:

we went for tau huay at rochor after the show. by then it was around 9pm+ and fred papa and tiong were frantically checking twitter / online for elections news. little did we know that the official results will only be out like much later, i think the first one was at 11pm+ or even 12pm+ haha. of course twitter was much faster, and the star (malaysia online newspaper i think) actually reported the results before our dearest mediacorp haha~ mediacorp kept kenna shot but i have to pity with them because they couldn't just announce "rumours" they could only broadcast the official results.

talking about the official results, the person (which i later found out to be Yam Ah Mee - there's a facebook page for him haha "Yah Ah Mee, Returning Officer Extraordinaire" the surname is wrong here but this page has more likes (:) who was reporting the results had to repeat the same thing over and over again. "Pursuant to Section 49, Sub Section 70, Paragraph A of the Parliamentary Elections Act" so poor thing.

his interview here is so funny "Mr Yam Ah Mee, everyone's favourite Returning Officer for GE 2011, explains that his monotone voice is the result of a throat surgery due to a fishbone." haha ~ and there are ever merchandise on sales!! omg! haha..

the FUNNIEST is the club mix

seriously~ haha :D

56 days till didi comes home~ II

2011-05-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

i went out with the psych clique for dinner today (:

mer passed us the stuff that anna sent to us from japan! (:

i am glad to be able to catch up with mer, ah gun, hongjuan and jin ting (: [the chocolates in the picture are from jin ting's europe trip (:] a pity that pervert couldn't make it!

spot the cute little stuffed toys that anna sent! i love all of them! (: mer said the fairest was a lucky draw dip to settle who gets which one. a good idea i would say, because if not i would want to keep all of them haha~

ah gun found the website (ok it's on the butt of the animal)

they are so freaking adorable! makes me feel like collecting all haha~ the pig looks like a pig toy that i have haha~ the monkey looks a little weird though haha~ i still think the rabbit is the cutest! lucky hongjuan got it!! (: can someone enlighten me to the species of animal on the top left hand corner? hmmm is it a kangaroo because it has a pouch in front? but other than that, i feel it has no resemblance to one haha~

ok ok i'll stop ogling at them now haha.

56 days till didi comes home~

2011-05-06T00:52:00.000+08:00

it has been quite hard trying to coordinate the birthday celebration for fred papa.

hmmm nothing much larhs, just wanted to rant about this somewhere.

i'm ok. (:

57 days till didi comes home~ II

2011-05-05T17:43:00.001+08:00

ever looked out the window and hope you are the bird flying in the sky carefreely?

just did.

57 days till didi comes home~

2011-05-05T04:08:00.000+08:00

papa and mommy came back at around 3+am. they said it's ok. the doctor prescribed mommy with eyedrops and advised that she will only need to see an eye specialist if it get worse.

hopefully everything will be okay.

luffy and gang kept my mind off from worrying too much as i wait for them to return. and so did talking to didi (:

58 days till didi comes home~

2011-05-04T23:59:00.002+08:00

it's fred papa's birthday today (: i don't know why, i actually thought that his birthday is on 26th. 26th may is huimin's birthday larhs! sighs >~< my memory >~<

poor thing at first he said he had meeting until 6pm and he sounded really sad. and so i thought of cheering him up by buying a cake and surprising him at nj! (: i asked the rest but, as expected, because they are working all of them can't make it.

all along i've a bad feeling that the plan might not work out. i'm not sure why. so luckily i smsed him and asked him so how's his day so far and he told me he was at ion. i was like "what?" haha but of course i replied composedly. i think i'm really good at bluffing people when i want to spring a surprise. haha (:

wells so i bought the cake i know he like from rive gauche. he was at twg so i went there to pass him the cake. it was quite sad because the rest couldn't make it and there was only me ): last year we sprang a surprise on him at his house! (: he was really pleasantly surprised! (: he said today (in sms) that he is "still relishing in the fun n joy of last year's celebrations! in fact i think last year's celebrations would keep me happy for the rest of my birthdays!" that's so sad ):

this whole birthday surprise thing was started by him really (: because he thought that it's really sad and sians to always just celebrate birthdays with like dinner with friends. so it started with ching's and tiong's birthday food hunt, junming's birthday surprise at his house, kit ma's birthday surprise at the zi char place she likes, fred papa's birthday surprise at his house, my birthday surprise at botanic garden.

when it was time for ching's and tiong's birthdays again, we didn't have time to really celebrate for them because we were busy with YGB. but we still bought the photo cakes for them (: which was another tradition that sort of started with fred papa. because he kept telling us that he thought it was very interesting and so the first photo cake was the one ching designed for him (: and subsequently all of us got one (:

when it was kit ma's birthday again because i think it was the practicuum period for ching and fred papa so we didn't plan much also. we just decided to eat at this nice pasta place that fred papa recommended.

now it's fred's papa birthday again. we are trying to plan something (: since he was the one who lamented that birthdays shouldn't just be dinners so i thought that we should do something. and also since he is always the one who plans so much for us i think he deserves something better than just a dinner for his birthday too (:

i really love my group 7 family so much (:

-----

so scary ): mommy and papa went to the hospital just now at around 11+pm. mommy's right eye had blood traces. i'm not sure whether it's because of the stye (i think. i'm really not sure what it is) that was in her lower eye lid. but the blood looked so scary ):

when mommy told me they were going to the hospital i was in shock really. she asked me to 看家 and i said ok. i should have gone with them too. i tried to search online for any idea on what's happening. i did find some things but i told myself i shouldn't scare myself. i'm not a doctor.

it's so scary ): no, i'm not referring only to my mommy's eyes. it's the thought of the day when they will no longer be with me. that's so scary. everytime these thoughts flash even briefly through my mind i'll suppress them with all my might. those times when i lose myself to these thoughts i would cry uncontrollably. i really don't know how and what i'll do when that day comes.

the only, only, comforting thought that i have... is that no matter what happens... you will always be by my side......

29 April 2011

2011-05-04T06:08:00.003+08:00

Still suffering the effects of jet lag, I woke up 5am... Getting better... Played qq斗地主 on the iPhone. On my way to my old score of 6000. Played until around 7am then I went to the supermarket to get some groceries.

I damn hero la. Wear shorts and shoes. Outside was like 15 or so degrees Celsius or less la. Wa seh damn cold. So I sort of semi ran to the supermarket to keep warm. I bought a number of things on this trip. The orange juice that I drank at Gerald's place, wheat bread, butter, peanut butter and 4 cheese macaroni. Below is a photo of my lunch/dinner over the next 2-3 days.

After that I basically watched TV or was sleeping. Still recovering from the trauma of an 8 hour flight delay. Had an early night too. Oh yes I also forgot to say, I spent sometime speaking to my Silly and parents. Yup that pretty much sums up the day.

59 days till didi comes home~

2011-05-04T00:24:00.000+08:00

there was admin support examination duty today so i had to wake up at 5am+. i am really not used to waking up early at all! what happened to the plan of waking up early everyday so that i can get used to waking up early for the nuh observation programme! sighs... at the rate things are going, i think i might really fall asleep during the attachment shit >~<

i guess it'll be the last time i ever set foot into a nus examination hall? looking at the undergraduates trying to cramp in things at the last minute before they enter the hall, their nervous looks as the chief invigilator reads out the rules that no one listen to, either relief or extreme anxiousness when they finally take a good look at the examination questions, either writing furiously or trying to squeeze every brain juice to think of good crap to write. i've been there, done that and i can't say that i actually miss it but well it was part and parcel of the experience of being a nus student.

i guess it's not something that one will look back and think of when we think back of what we did in university, but it's still a part of the memory~ cuddling together in small groups for social support before we enter the examination hall, trying to clarify questions with each other, spotting last minute questions, signaling and asking each other which question we attempted as we wait for the invigilators to count the scripts (which can take forever sometimes), complaining as we step out of the examination hall together "how can s/he set these kind of questions?", "wah liao s/he didn't even go through this in class larhs" etc~

thanks to all my friends who went through these 8 times with me~ (:

-----

read a few articles today that made me quite sad ):

one was written by blogger xia xue. yes, she is a bimbo but what she actually wrote in this article is really true. http://xiaxue.blogspot.com/2011/05/what-fuck-singaporeans.html

i saw someone commented something like LKY = past, we are in the future now, respect the future generation's choice etc kind of bullshit. please. if not for MM, we won't even be where we are today, not say the future. i am not disagreeing with the "respect the future generation's choice" i am disagreeing with the disrespect that some people show towards MM! seriously! >~<

yes i agree perhaps sometimes the way he does things are a little bit too extreme. however, even so, how can anyone forget what he has done for the country? i mean if the way he does things are really autocratic yet did not help singapore at all then fine. but that's not the case. we can't deny that what he has done for singapore using his entire life is just so selfless and without him (and his team) we will probably still be like a third world country today?

and the saddest line she wrote that made me cry was If you are so old and your wife just died would you still care about your country's welfare??

i think it is absolutely fine for anyone to support the opposition, to vote for them etc. but please no matter what you do, 切记饮水思源。not supporting the PAP and respecting the MM is NOT mutually exclusive. there's absolutely no reason why you can't support the PAP AND respect the MM at the same time.

another article i read was written by someone on facebook~ http://www.facebook.com/koh.shiyun#!/notes/desmond-mao/the-hard-truths-about-an-aljunied-voters-dilemma/10150232516661031

he clearly written out exactly what i feel about this whole episode of GE. shall not say more. really just tired of all these. again, i think it's okay for you to support the opposition, but do you really have to resort to scolding and hurling all sorts of bad things at the PAP during the rally? (not really referring to the opposition candidates, more referring to the people attending the rally). come on, yes the government faults. who doesn't? 我们都是人。人都会反错的。i don't see the point screaming and shouting and using emotions to stir the crowd. research has shown that that usually doesn't lead to a rationale choice.

sighs whatever the outcome may be, i just wish that singapore will most importantly be safe and sound like what it is today. a lot of people don't realise the peace that we are enjoying don't come easy. they take it for granted. with the death of osama, who knows what will happen? what kind of backlash from his followers must ensue?

people worry about everyday things like food prices, transport prices, income, gst etc. yes of course these are important. these are problems we are faced with everyday. problems like war and terrorism which a lot of people have not gone through themselves before are just beyond their imagination. so they choose to pick on things like everyday details. fine. i've no qualms about this.

however, please just know that the government is not god. even if the opposition party take over, how are they going to stop the food and petrol prices from increasing? these are things that are happening worldwide and problems that every single country is facing. and if you want a free market, how can you expect the government to control the wages? do you prefer a communist country in which the market is controlled?

i really don't know larhs~ i just feel really fed up with some people who just like to complain complain and complain the whole day. if you are so capable, why not run for the elections and suggest your solutions in solving the problems?

complaining doesn't fucking solve the problem, FYI.

28 April 2011

2011-05-03T07:35:00.006+08:00

Oh ya forgot to say yesterday. Gerald got this cool bed that is inflated by air. So he connects it to an electric supply and then it will inflate the bed so cool right?(:

Maybe it was jet lag or something but I awoke at 430 and started playing QQ斗地主. Played until 6 plus when Gerald awoke. So wanting to maximise my time in NY, I requested Gerald to take me to the Hudson river as it was pretty close by. So we passed by The Jewish Theological Seminary of America on the way to Hudson. Attached is the picture.

Then we reached the Hudson, but could not get right to the riverside anyway here's the video.

On the way back I took a video of The Jewish Theological Seminary of America again. Here is the video.

After that we went to da pao breakfast. Gerald had some veggie croissant with sunny side up, while I had a bacon, egg and cheese croissant. We had a simple meal in his shared kitchen with some orange juice... The OJ is good la... here's a pic

So at around 845am, the Super Shuttle service came and I bid adieu to Gerald and was on my way to the airport. Then as we approached the airport, the fog grew thicker and thicker. Then after checking in at around 0945, the fog got really bad. So they told me at 1100 that my 1200 flight would be delayed to 1255. Then at 1200 they told me my flight would be 1355. Next at 1230, they told me that my flight would be delayed to 1655. Eventually they delayed my flight so late that I boarded only at 1900. My plan only took off at 2030. All this was due to the presence of the tornadoes in the surrounding areas.

Well one good thing is that I met Adam who was going to Pittsburgh to attend his brother's graduation ceremony. Adam is a singer cum guitarist in a band called "electric people". Anyone interested can listen to his music at

http://www.soundcloud.com/electricpeople

Adam was really nice and offered to intro his brother who could recommend some nice places to visit and hangout when we arrived at Pittsburgh but somehow I missed him and his brother at the airport. Adam wherever you are, good luck in your music career and I hope you sign with a major record label soon. Adam waits tables to make ends meet while trying to cut a career in music. Talk about chasing a dream.

When I arrived I went to the baggage collection point and saw uncle Albert and aunt Chun Har waiting for me. These two old folks make me feel really bad. They had to wait for me cos my flight delay. Then they travel all the way from Houston to come help me settle in. I feel so bad that they came and still have to wait for me...): They even went to Graham House to help me inform Mr Washington that I'd be late so that Mr Washington would wait for me. Despite all this I feeling paiseh and bad, I was super glad to see them when I finally touched down at 2130. After collecting my baggage, it was 2230 and they gave me a lift in their rented car to Graham House Apartment where Mr Washington was there to help me check in. There were so thoughtful and even bought dinner for me. Haiz that's why I hate it when people fuss over me. It makes me feel so uncomfortable but I really thank them for all their help. After checking in, my aunt and uncle left. By this time it was close to 29 April 2011 and they had been up since 0300 to make their way from Houston to Pittsburgh. Poor things...

Anyway, after eating the food they bought I went to sleep...

27 April 2011

2011-05-03T03:05:00.006+08:00

My flight took off at 0015 hrs. My family (Dad, Mum and Sis) and Silly came to send me off at the airport. A split second before I stepped into the customs area, I almost cried. Maybe it was because it would be the last time I'd see any of them for 2 months but I held back.

My plane took off with me asleep. It was a 6 hour flight to Beijing and beside me was a native Chinese returning home. Mostly an uneventful flight the only thing was that I did not have mints to offer my Chinese neighbour. On the plane they fed us Chicken Briyani which was ok. Lah.

Arrived at Beijing and for the first time in my life had to transfer flight. So? Blur lor followed the signs and at the customs, they picked out my swiss army knife in the side pocket of my bag. In 17 plus trips no one has made a fuss of it only this Chinese officer. My hats off to him. During my flight in from Singapore I realised that I did not take a adapter so I bought one at the Beijing Airport for 299yuan which is about S$60.00. Only after paying did I realise my folly but haiz... Pay le so bo pian. Next I found a nice cafeteria over looking the runway and sat there for the good part of the wait. Ordered a latte, and subsequently a 3-egg omlette with chees, ham and mushrooms and a cuppaccino. Managed to read 2-3 chapters of John Hull whilst at the cafeteria. Tried to call Claudine thinking that the phone in the airport was FOC but turned out that it wasn't FOC. Fortunately they had free WIFI access at the China Airport so used it to check mail etc...

1pm came and it was soon time to take the second leg of the flight to NY. When I boarded I found that someone was already in my seat. So I checked if she was in the right seat and she was supposed to be seated beside me in seat 34b (I was in 34c aisle seat) and the guy besides her surprisingly also had the same seat number. ???? So the stewardess came to clarify that the girl had been upgraded FOC to business class. Shit man why din they upgrade me? Sobz. Then shortly before take off, the stewardess came over asking me if I was travelling alone and if I was willing to switch seats with another passenger cos she din want to sit at the emergency exit. Being the nice guy that I am, I naturally agreed. So my next 13 hours flight would be beside a old couple.

The entire second leg consisted of me sleeping and reading John Hull but reading was tough as there were a few screaming kids on board. Spent some time filling out the immigration papers for the old couple. But was tremendously irritated by the woman behind me who put her foot on my arm rest. Below is the picture of her foot!

Upon arriving at NY, I was fortunate to be quick in getting to the immigration counter as shortly after I got there a super long queue began to form behind me. Got out of the airport within an hour and caught a yellow cab to Gerald's place at 1230 Amsterdam Avenue. It is in Manhattan and the ride cost US$55.00.

When we got there, the cab wanted to stop me somewhere along Amsterdam Avenue so I refused to pay him and told him to drive closer to my destination. So he did so and I found Gerald's place. Shortly, I found myself in Gerald's apartment. Gerald was so kind as to booked me on the Super Shuttle the next morning to the Airport. Thus settling my transport the next morning.

After some tete-a-tete we made our way out as Gerald showed me around Columbia University. No pictures here as I forgot to bring my iPhone. Haiz... We walked around a bit and finally settle for dinner at Tom's Restaurant (the recurring scene in Seinfeld). Gerald had veggie wrap (what's new?) while I had a Turkey sausage burger with bacon, egg and mushrooms and to top it off, I had a typical American sized butter pecan milkshake.(:

After dinner, Gerald brought me to a cake shop to buy some dessert (3 cakes and 1 cookie). We also went to do some grocery shopping (Gerald needed tofu, rice and some other stuff). Then we headed back to the dorm cos I needed to DBB!!!

Finishing with DBB, I went to take a shower had dessert with Gerald over some chit chat. Having finished a long flight I was really tired and we both retired at about say 10pm NY time.

60 days till didi comes home~

2011-05-02T15:09:00.002+08:00

opps ): called didi just now ): so stoopid ): he is OBVIOUSLY sleeping >~< just can't get used to the time difference! ):

ok please remember to look at your dashboard, which other than the singapore time i've put in his US time too (: OKAY~ i know it's 12 hours difference exactly so there's actually no need for that but haha i'm absentminded so.. (:

sorry didi woke you up ):

anyways this new song by simple plan really describes my feelings now (: love simple plan! (: can't wait for their new album to be out~

Jet Lag featuring Natasha Bedingfield - Simple Plan

What time is it where you are?
I miss you more than anything
Back at home you feel so far
Waitin for the phone to ring
It's gettin lonely livin upside down
I don't even wanna be in this town
Tryin to figure out the time zones makin me crazy

You say good morning
When it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
It's drivin me mad
I miss you so bad
and my heart heart heart is so jetlagged

What time is it where you are?
5 more days and i'll be home
I keep your picture in my car
I hate the thought of you alone

I've been keepin busy all time
Just to try to keep you off my mind
Tryin to figure out the time zones makin me crazy
I miss you so bad
I wanna share your horizon
and see the same sunrising
Turn the hour hand back to when you were holding me

61 days till didi comes home~

2011-05-01T23:59:00.034+08:00

today's labour day! :D

i didn't do much today, again. i'm not sure but i think everytime i encounter some difficulties i don't know how to solve in my thesis i just really slow down my pace. i've already emailed dr hong about it but i still feel very uneasy about it because it's not a small problem >~< sighs.

let's hope everything works out fine...

ok now some random rants:

i have been looking at all the US websites i want to buy things from and it's really bad! >~< there's so much things i want to buy and furthermore the exchange rate is super low now and there's free shipping (thanks didi!! :P) so i am really tempted to get stuff that i've been wanting to get my hands on forever.

but yes i've to draw a line and really differentiate between things i need and things i want haha~ the thing i MUST get is the clarisonic (: yay so super excited about that because there have been great reviews and many raves about it! i can't wait to try that on my skin haha (:

this is where the cognitive dissonance comes in:

others things i'm looking at includes

- MAC cosmetics

- sigma brushes (which are so much cheaper than MAC brushes. i'm thinking of getting those with great reviews - which is really a need if i decide to start investing in MAC cosmetics because with good cosmetics you need good brushes too if not it really defeats the purpose of getting those good cosmetics. so far my brush collection is really minimal and the best i have, i think, is the everyday minerals ones but they aren't as good as the sigma brushes. therefore, i feel i should invest in the sigma brushes haha~)

- scrapbooking stuff (which i am trying very hard to persuade myself to let go. but it's damn super cheap there, like almost half the price they sell it at papermarket!)

- other random makeup stuff from NYX (which i'll probably forgo? because i don't really think they are a need after all haha~ )

i wonder whether didi will get a shock at all the parcels sent to him!! >~<

62 days till didi comes home~

2011-04-30T23:59:00.024+08:00

didi called me when i was eating dinner and when he was eating breakfast! (: so it was like we were having a meal together! (: across time zones! haha :D so cool~

ok i know that's lame but sighs it'll be a while before i can have a meal with him again so just let me be happy over lame stuff larhs haha (:

today i met up with mer to talk about our blogshop (: i really like our new name! (: we discussed about a lot of things (: and it makes me feel much more 踏实 about the shop this time round (: hopefully it'll work out!! (:

and 不知不觉 one third of 2011 is already coming to an end... the next 2 - 3 months will be hectic as i attend the nuh observation programme and at the same time rush out my thesis and also my conference poster haha~. 要死 i haven't started on the conference poster at all >~<

it's okay, like what didi said, take one step at a time and finish them all (:

63 days till didi comes home~

2011-04-29T23:59:00.002+08:00

didi called me from his pittsburgh place today (:

poor thing thing his flight got delayed and he reached pittsburgh like 8-9 hours after the scheduled timing to reach >~< it was due to a tornado! wells, what's most important is that didi is safe and sound! (: wouldn't want the plane to take flight when the weather condition is not good!

didi wanted to show me how his apartment looks like on skype video chat but because the connection is really bad couldn't see clearly at all! i'm not sure whether the problem lies in his connection or mine! should be his! because he is using wireless over there? haha but i am too~ haha but i think he said the connection in US is really bad!

little didi and little little didi said hello to didi over skype! (:

im glad communicating with him it's not very hard after all! (: other than skype there's viber too (: omg gotta love viber (: [well you can use skype on iphone too but it's skype-to-skype whereas viber is mobile number-to-mobile number so obviously viber is more convenient i.e. no need to log on to skype etc~]

although i can hear him and i can see really blur videos of him, i really miss holding his hand and leaning on his shoulder. ):

64 days till didi comes home~ II

2011-04-28T23:33:00.001+08:00

didi called again just now at 11:38pm singapore timing!! (: hehs :D

he was calling from the airport. he is waiting for his flight from new york to pittsburgh.

it's so nice to hear his voice (:

even if it was just for a few minutes or even just a few seconds~

---

today as i walked home from the gym, i imagined that i was holding your hand as i walk home. does that sound crazy?

i hope not ):

i miss your big and warm hands (:

64 days till didi comes home~

2011-04-28T10:08:00.000+08:00

didi called me! (: at singapore timing 9.26am. must be night time there now~

when i saw the caller id flashed "didi" i couldn't believe my eyes!! :D :D :D that's so silly ~ haha. just glad to know that he is safe and sound. reach gerald's house already (:

poor didi will be suffering from jet lag ): hope he'll be able to catch some sleep later else come tomorrow morning over there he'll be very tired..

65 days till didi comes home~

2011-04-27T17:54:00.002+08:00

a song that didi sent me before he boarded the plane~

You'll Never Walk Alone

When you walk through the storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
There's a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of the lark

Walk on, through the wind
Walk on, through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

the only hope for me
is you.

sending didi off ):

2011-04-26T23:59:00.037+08:00

spent all the time i could with didi! (: went out with his csc gang - meaning xiaoyun sihao derrick marcus zhenhao vannel (victor couldn't make it) ~

stayed over at his house... i wonder whether dalphie knows that didi is going away for a while.. cos he looked sad to me ): didi said maybe it's cos he may be having toothache ): not sure why but he looked sad ):

didn't do much.. just played power grid 2 times haha.. forced didi to play with me cos i think i'm hooked on it :P and we packed his bag.. but cos didi gets distracted too easily haha we really took a while to pack~ like up till the last minute :P

had dinner with his whole family at genkai (?) at hong leong garden~ a really small but neat japanese restaurant~ it attempted to follow closely to the setting of a real japanese restaurant i think~ even the menu is in japanese with romanji at the side (which really doesn't help ><) luckily there are some pictures~ and you can figure out a bit with the kanji (the chinese characters) haha~ :P but the food is really nice there!! (: and 1 set is not very expensive too... if like compared to like ichiban boshi that kind? haha~ just that it's really not very accessible larhs... which is good also because if not then there'll be no space in the shop haha~ and as it seems to be.. sometimes the more people visiting a shop, the poorer the quality of the food will be because when you want to serve fast it's just hard to ensure the quality of the food stays?

ok why am i rambling on about the food..

basically the whole day i just try my best not to think about the fact that didi is going off le haha ): cos when i do tears just well up... and i don't want didi to go off and still have to worry about me.. but sighs they just fall i don't want to let him see me cry and worry about me too but i just can't help it ):

everyone seem to say 2 months very fast one larhs~ how i wish i can say the same too! ><

at the departure gates.. luckily anastasia was being funny about bringing back branded goods.. if not when auntie started tearing i think i would have cried.. and i really don't want to let him see me cry just before he goes off ):

we took photos before he went in! (:

so the countdown begins.....

2 days left ):

2011-04-25T13:06:00.000+08:00

during the mfe lunch they announced that didi's convocation is on 30th july.

guess what? we are only scheduled to return from london on 31st july. so began a slew of troublesome changing of flights and etc.

seriously. i bet they knew the convo date long ago. i mean, that is, i am assuming that ntu is as efficient as nus and that when they plan their academic calender they plan the whole academic year including when the convo is and not only plan it last minute.

why can't they inform us earlier? urgh so irritated >~< just imagine spending like 3k on the round trip air tickets and we aren't staying for very long in the first place already!! now we have to cut short the short trip. that's how sad ): urgh!!!!! >~<

oh wells ): nvm larhs i guess we'll always have time to go back to europe together de marhs (: when that time comes, i want to visit not only london but also paris italy vienna (saw haogen's photos on fb such a beautiful place!) venice (if it's still afloat~) germany switzerland russia? and maybe some east european countries too (:

Sent from my iPhone(:

3 more days

2011-04-24T21:30:00.001+08:00

didn't meet didi today ): wanted to... but really need to do work.

analysis.

i hate analysis really. the numbers make me dizzy. sighs.

anyways didi told me that adrian called and told him that i can look for him if i've anything during the period didi is in US cos he said that he noticed at the lunch yesterday that i wasn't really very happy. hehs that's really so sweet of him right (: haha :D

tho' i am sad that didi is leaving but i was unhappy at the lunch yesterday (for a while) not because of that larhs haha~ it was cos didi was irritated with me and i was wondering why he was acting like that which i mentioned it was because i was acting silly haha~

so wells the point is.. i really appreciate adrian's kindness (: cos i haven't met him many times at all so it was really very kind of him to offer (:

really glad that didi is surrounded by good friends (: i think it's because didi is really sincere to his friends and in return there are friends who are willing to be there for him too (: really glad for didi (:

miss you didn't see you at all today ):

4 more days

2011-04-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

spent one whole day with didi today! (:

joined him for mfe farewell lunch @ carlton (: it was a farewell lunch for them before they embark on their journey to US (: well i know some of his friends already because i always studied in ntu with him so wasn't uncomfortable or what (: but didi was a bit irritated with me because i kept acting silly haha~ so we made a pact that i shall be normally normally when i am with his friends (: haha :D

well the carlton buffet is okay only~ not really worth the price larhs haha. hmm if you want to say the BEST hotel buffet i've eaten so far~ wells i can't really decide. perhaps either fullerton or meritus mandarin? not that i've tried a lot of hotel buffets larhs~ haha (:

---

after that we went to watch norwegian woods together (: wells ok i admit i largely wanted to watch it because of matsuyama (: he's so cute haha. i sort of forgot the movie already actually until i heard weiwei mention about it when i saw her recently. that renewed my want to watch the movie.

and so we did.

and errr really don't understand the movie ): that's quite sad because weiwei said the book is fantastic. and i believe the story is too. but i think it's a movie that didi and i can't understand without first reading the book haha~ so i am tasked to read the book and tell didi what exactly the story is about (:

and it's also quite sad cos there's a lot of sex and sexual tones in the movie and i think a lot of people in the cinema were like thinking the movie is just about that -_- they kept giggling at those scenes even though it was supposed to be a serious scene and there are meanings underneath them! >~< seriously maybe they shouldn't show these kind of artistic films in the cinema since people won't understand (yes i belong here) and they'll think it's not a good movie (but not here~) when it actually is.

---

after the movie we met up with didi's ex colleagues from ema (: ok i am really sorry as everyone knows my memory for name is non-existent ): but all 3 of them are really nice and fun people to be with (: they are SUper funny! (: haha :D tho' this was the first time i met them and tho' half of the time i don't really know who they are talking about but the way they say and describe the scenarios are really funny (: hehs :D hanging out with them is really comfortable haha (: glad that didi used to have such good colleagues (: hope that didi's new colleagues at his soon-to-be-found company will be good like them too (:

we watched the chinese ghost story together (: hehs :D at first didi told me it's the 白蛇和许仙的 story.. then yes obviously not it's the 小倩和宁采臣的 story (: but hmms they actually twisted the story a bit.. it's not supposed to be like that haha~ but wells~ i still think it's a nice movie (: especially since louis khoo is so 帅 and most importantly cos i watched it with didi (: haha :D

i've always liked this story ever since young... since i watched the cartoon version of it.. tho' i really can't remember anything about even the story or how the cartoon went or what :P but i liked it since young haha (:

--

after parting with them we went over to the black cafe @ triple one to chill a while. didi suggested i stay at his house for the night and i took the offer! (: hehs.. i know it's really silly but i just want to spend as much time as i can with him before he leaves for US marhs~ so that's why i'm very 不要脸的 tagging along his outings with his friends :P he actually likes it cos he has always wanted me to meet his friends but i feel bad larhs~ like disturb the outings :P so i hope his friends will bare with me :P just this once only bahs? (: most probably (:

counting down to the day of his departure is ...

T_T

the didi tumblers (:

2011-04-23T03:24:00.002+08:00

presenting to you: the didi tumblers! (:

it's my farewell gift to him for his US trip~

silly... take care of yourself over there. you know i'm going to miss you so freaking much ): and the worst is it's going to be a really hard 2 months for me ): but it's ok because i know that though you can't be here with me physically, you always have been and will be mentally and spiritually supporting me (: let's 加油 for our masters together these last 2 months!

love you silly! (:

the words on the tumbler are lyrics from the song "the impossible dream" i posted a while ago~. i took out the favorite parts i like and joined them together haha (: really think it's very inspirational (:

"Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart."
~Kay Knudsen

5 more days ):

2011-04-22T21:00:00.000+08:00

today is mommy's birthday! which coincidentally is also good friday (:

because it's a public holiday, the delivery service couldn't deliver to our house cos we are slightly too far away (weird system~) so didi and i went to collect the food directly from westlake (: mommy said she used to go to this restaurant with grandpa and grandma last time, and because it seemed like she missed this place a lot so we decided to get dinner from there for her birthday (:

side track:
took a cab back and we met a really interesting uncle who insisted that it was the first time someone asked him to turn off at the junction at casuarina prata towards yio chu kang on route to yishun. he said that people usually prefer to go all the way straight along thomson road towards mandai road and then yishun. haha~ he's quite a funny uncle. it was quite nice talking to him although it was more like listening to him complain only larhs haha :D

anyways, the food was really too much! >~< our stomach were all bursting at the end of the meal!! let me show you what we got~

altogether their were 7 dishes :P i thought it would be just nice haha~ seems like i'm really bad at counting ):

but there food is really not bad at all! (: especially the 扣肉包 - their signature item (according to my mom). it's really super duper nice beyond words haha~ must try for all 扣肉包 lovers~ (:

5 more days to didi flying off~ ):

the impossible dream

2011-01-02T18:15:00.002+08:00

didi let's remember this and 加油 together (:

"The Impossible Dream"
from MAN OF LA MANCHA (1972)
music by Mitch Leigh and lyrics by Joe Darion

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause

And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star

nice quote!

2010-10-07T12:24:00.000+08:00

"If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

~Marilyn Monroe

Sent from my iPhone(:

traffic police driving test

2010-10-07T02:41:00.002+08:00

omg. TODAY, later, is my first ever traffic police driving test.

and i hope the ONLY.

wish me good luck! (:

i don't hate you

2010-10-05T23:17:00.001+08:00

i don't hate you

because you are not even worth my hate. haha (:

too bad for you

2010-10-05T19:18:00.001+08:00

it's you who have lost a good friend.

not me.

too bad for you.

blur

2010-10-03T11:41:00.001+08:00

on my way to collecting my new glasses now(:

due to my laziness, im not wearing my contact lens now. and i will not get caught died in my current pair of glasses.

so yes everything is a blur now as i commute to clarke quay the central to collect my new glasses haha. im so excited about them haha (:

wells im making a new pair of glasses because my eyes have been tearing for no reasons nowadays. well, the risk of looking like im mad and crying for no reason on the subway aside, it's actually quite dangerous as i've experienced it during my last driving lesson):

many a times my eyes couldnt really open ): i had to force them open and keep blinking them to keep them moisturized. omg. i couldnt really concentrate towards the end of the lesson at all and i forgot to do simple things like signaling -_- luckily we were in the circuit practising the courses by then :p

so in view of my traffic police driving test on thurs (wish me good luck!!) i thought it would be better if i make a new pair of glasses that i can actually wear out. haha.

yes i am very vain.

who isn't :p

by the way the main purpose of this is because i wanted to write down how i felt viewing the world in a blur.

i am often a victim of the spotlight effect haha. i just can't help it. but with everything in a blur i realised i am less concerned about that. i don't consciously and very often wonder whether other people are looking at me, or wonder whether people are looking cos my hair is messy, is my eyeliner running etc etc

wells of cos all these don't exist for people who don't give a freaking damn what other people think - didi is one of them.

how i wish i have that quality in me but unfortunately i don't.

haha.

wells i guess ignorance is bliss (:

Sent from my iPhone(:

goodbye mrs lee

2010-10-03T11:28:00.001+08:00

goodbye mrs lee.

i may not have known you personally and my understanding of you may be limited to what is reported in the papers.

but that doesnt mean that i do not recognise how great a part you have played, albeit behind the scene, in the building of singapore into what we are today.

thank you (: and goodbye ):

you will be missed.

Sent from my iPhone(:

disappearing psyD

2010-09-29T14:50:00.001+08:00

jus heard from neighbour (didn't actually get his name) from neighbouring adolescent lab that psyD is starting to be phased out in australia.

OMG.

i didn't ever know that being shocked can leave one breathless.

until just.

Sent from my iPhone(:

needy?

2010-09-28T14:14:00.000+08:00

Finally, we are into Youth Distribute, which is the distribution phase of our project Youths Give Back!. This is no doubt the best of all the 3 phases, because it is during this phase when we can finally meet our beneficiaries.

Seeing the smiles on their faces when they receive the food ration - that is an indescribable feeling. (:

However, there is also another mixed feeling that I got. Well, I noticed this problem from the time when we were executing Project C.A.N. under CSC. That is, when we visit some of the homes, and we see their living conditions, we can't help but wonder "Are these people really needy?" and "Why are they on the CCC ComCare list?"

There are families whom you can tell really need help. Poor elderly staying alone or with their other half in a one room rental flat that is either cluttered with many junk, or is bare with minimal furniture. Families with bedridden elderly staying in a one room rental flat. Big families with many children but who have to squeeze into a one room rental flat.

But there were some we came across who stayed in 4 or even 5 room flats, who own large and expensive looking TV sets and furniture.

Of course these may all very well just be a facade and we are definitely in no position to judge whether these are truly needy families.We just can't help but wonder....... ):

Nevertheless, I am really glad that the government has such schemes to help needy families staying in our midst. (:

And I am also really glad that the government is smart enough not to separate the one room rental flats into a quarter of its own. The one room rental flats are built in the same housing estates as other more expensive flats and this really makes sense because then there will be no clear income gap between each housing estate, although I believe most of these one room rental flats are located within the older estates.

How I wish we can do so much more for these needy families... and how many more needy families actually truly need help but is currently outside the radar of those organizations that can help them? ):

关怀方式

2010-09-23T23:33:00.003+08:00

I love watching Loving Touch 关怀方式 - the variety show aired on Channel 8, hosted by Chen Hanwei. (:

The last home they visited was Bishan Home! Yes the very home that CSC volunteers at! (: I'm not sure why, but I was really deeply touched by those 2 episodes (:

I think, it reminded me of what was the very reason that set me on this path towards being a clinical psychologist.

I think somehow, I've lost sight of it along the way... and guilty to say, there were even times thoughts like "What on earth am I doing now?" crossing my mind ):
[I'm really not sure why ): I think my mind is often preoccupied by many unnecessary thoughts and I'm always doing things that are leading me offtrack and I so very often procrastinate ): BAD bad habits! They have to go! ):]

But seeing them, those residents in Bishan Home, and thinking back to those residents in Mindsville, it just all came back to me. Why I started on this journey, even though I know it won't be easy, even though I don't even know how long I'll take to reach there.

I just want to help them... no matter how small my effort might be... I just want to play my part... to change the mental health scene in Singapore, to build a place where they can live a life as close as possible to ours, a place where they will be accepted for who they are, where there will be less discrimination towards them....

a place where they can be happy....

remember that and don't give up...

you aren't doing it for yourself. (:

it's for them (:
that's my 关怀方式. (:

really?

2010-09-23T23:21:00.000+08:00

I believe I'm almost there. Almost done with putting it down.

I guess it's sad but it's true.

The fastest way to forget someone is to think of all the bad and horrible side of that person.

7 tips for avoiding procrastination

2010-09-17T15:11:00.000+08:00

7 Tips for Avoiding Procrastination. Without Delay is the Easiest Way.
(taken from http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2010/09/7-tips-for-avoiding-procrastination-without-delay-is-the-easiest-way.html)

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.

This Wednesday: Seven tips for avoiding procrastination.

Going to the gym. Practicing a new skill when you have no skill. Giving bad news. Dealing with tech support.

We all have to make ourselves do things that we just don’t want to do. Here are some tricks I’ve learned that help me power through the procrastination.

1. Do it first thing in the morning. If you’re dreading doing something, you’re going to be able to think of more creative excuses as the day goes along. One of my Twelve Personal Commandments is “Do it now.” Without delay is the easiest way.

2. If you find yourself putting off a task that you try to do several times a week, try doing it EVERY day, instead. When I was planning my blog, I envisioned posting two or three times a week. Then a blogger acquaintance convinced me that no, I needed to post every day. As counter-intuitive as it sounds, I think it’s easier to do it every day (well, except Sundays) than fewer times each week. There’s no dithering, there’s no juggling. I know I have to post, so I do. If you’re finding it hard to go for a walk four times a week, try going every day.

3. Have someone keep you company. Studies show that we enjoy practically every activity more when we’re with other people. Having a friend along can be a distraction, a source of reassurance, or just moral support.

4. Make preparations, assemble the proper tools. I often find that when I’m dreading a task, it helps me to feel prepared. I'll tell myself, "I don't have to do X today, but I'll get everything ready." I gather up phone numbers, print-outs, read background information, etc. Dividing a tough task into preparation and execution makes it easier to tackle.

5. Commit. We’ve all heard the advice to write down your goals. This really works, so force yourself to do it. Usually this advice relates to long-term goals, but it works with short-term goals, too. On the top of a piece of paper, write, “By the end of today, I will have _____.” This also gives you the thrill of crossing a task off your list. (See below.)

6. First things first. That is, make sure you don't use little tasks to push off big tasks. I find myself answering email instead of writing, or reading Twitter instead of logging in my research notes. These smaller tasks are important and worthwhile, but I shouldn't use them to delay more taxing work.

7. Reflect on the great feeling you'll get when you've finished. Studies show that hitting a goal releases chemicals in the brain that give you pleasure. If you’re feeling blue, although the last thing you feel like doing is something you don’t feel like doing, push yourself. You’ll get a big lift from it.

the emperor's proposition

2010-09-17T13:24:00.003+08:00

interesting question didi found (:

The emperor's proposition

You are a prisoner sentenced to death. The Emperor offers you a chance to live by playing a simple game. He gives you 50 black marbles, 50 white marbles and 2 empty bowls. He then says, "Divide these 100 marbles into these 2 bowls. You can divide them any way you like as long as you use all the marbles. Then I will blindfold you and mix the bowls around. You then can choose one bowl and remove ONE marble. If the marble is WHITE you will live, but if the marble is BLACK... you will die."

How do you divide the marbles up so that you have the greatest probability of choosing a WHITE marble?

strange but heartwarming incident

2010-09-15T16:58:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, on the MRT on the way to school, there was this Indian man. I did not notice him at first because I was deeply engrossed in my book (That's me. When I'm reading a good book [What defines as a good book? Stephen King. For sure.], I am totally oblivious to whatever's around me. The wonders of selective attention our brain command. ).

Just all of a sudden, from the corner of my eye, I saw something rolling off the seats, landing on the floor with a heavy thump! Only then did I realized that an Indian man had been laying down across several of the seats all along. And for reasons beyond me and the other passengers, he just simply rolled off the seats! I wanted so much to rush over to help him but I held back. I think the main reason that was holding me back was because he was a guy and I'm not sure if I should approach him.

Luckily two male passengers got to their feet and hurled him up, off the floor, and slumped him back on the seats. However, not long after, he rolled off the seats again. I'm really not sure how to describe it. He simply just... rolled off. Slumped on the floor. He's not died no, obviously. He was still alive. He was producing soft grunts, although I couldn't be sure whether those arose from being drunk or arose from being sick.

Meanwhile, the MRT pulled into Choa Chu Kang Station (I think, or was it Yew Tee?) and the driver's voice came over the comms, "Someone has pressed the emergency button. May I know what's wrong?" Among all these chaos someone with quick thinking had pressed the emergency button. This was the first time I had witnessed the emergency button on the train being pressed. A lady approached the mic and told the driver that someone was sick. The driver responded by saying that help is on the way. Just as he finished his sentence, a service ambassador (you know, those wearing white gloves, asking people to queue up and to move in) came in to assess the situation (I wondered how she identified the carriage within such a short time, since the lady who reported the incident through the mic did not actually mention which carriage we were in. Either there was an indication of exactly which button in which carriage was pressed, or it was just pure coincidence. I really rather choose to believe in the former.). She requested the help of the two male passengers to bring the Indian man out.

There were many onlookers and it reminded me of the bystander effect. Cut and pasted from wikipedia: "A social psychological phenomenon that refers to cases where individuals do not offer help in an emergency situation when other people are present."

This phenomenon did not exactly happen here... because there were two really kind hearted male passengers who offered their help, and also someone who pressed the emergency button to summon the staff.

Although no doubt, there were still many bystanders and onlookers. I actually returned to reading my book as soon as I was sure the Indian man was in good hands (the service ambassador's). I wondered if those who saw me would be thinking, "How can this girl sit there calmly, reading her book, as if nothing's happening?". I would like to retaliate with "Why are you all looking, since there really isn't such thing as eye power, and I don't think looking actually makes the situation any better?"

Well, actually, I just wanted to say that, I think as Singaporeans, although we often look like we don't give a damn about anything else that doesn't concern us, I believe deep down, many are actually nice, kind hearted souls who are not afraid of lending a helping hand to those who needs it (:

Heartwarming (:

2010-09-14T22:36:00.001+08:00

i really feel like slapping myself.

why on earth am i taking so long to forget?

why is it that sadness still envelopes, no, stifles my heart? weighing it, dragging it down under water, rendering it unable to breathe?

why do i care so much about a jerk whom i don't even know whether she cared about me at all right from the start?

why?

seriously.

how long am i going to take to walk away?

how fucking long? ):

Sent from my iPhone(:

2010-09-14T22:18:00.001+08:00

it seems like it's true...

that the more you don't want to think about something...

the more it'll come to your mind.

the ironies in life... *sighs*

Sent from my iPhone(:

the happiness project

2010-09-13T17:08:00.000+08:00

i feel like getting this book http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/the-happiness-project-book.html (:

a quote from Henri-Frederic
Life’s short and we never have enough time for gladdening the hearts of those who travel the way with us. O, be swift to love! Make haste to be kind.

(:

tears

2010-09-13T16:54:00.000+08:00

hold yourself back my tears..

do not be shed for those who aren't worth it.

do not.

delete

2010-09-13T16:51:00.000+08:00

deleting a friend from facebook is easy.

just 2 clicks.
1 to initiate.
1 to confirm.

but deleting a friend (now i'm using the term friend VERY loosely) from memory..... .. .. .

now, did you watch eternal sunshine from a spotless mind before?

brace yourself my dear heart.
it's a long road to recovery.

a long and bumpy one.

my last words for you.

2010-09-13T15:19:00.006+08:00

Do not harbor any illusions that I felt even a tinge of sadness when you announced you want to pull out of our business. I'm sorry to say, I'm not at all bothered. Simply because I truly believe that even without you, the two of us will manage just fine. In fact, maybe more than just fine.

Why then, was I so down for several days in a row?

Simply because I'm a human with a heart.

And my heart is broken.

Simply because when I make friends with someone, I put my heart into the relationship and I believe that friends are people who are there for each other, who care about each other, who do not outrightly lie to each other (what did you tell a and m when they asked you about your facebook and blog respectively?).

Goodbye to you. I really hope you enjoy staying in a world of your own.

In a world which you can just wallow in your own sadness, in your own illusions, thinking and believing that everyone is out to get you and everyone is biased against you.

I should have known the kind of person you are when you can say something like that about your good friend you have known for so many years (just for your information she currently still cares very much about you. as she have always does.). What an idiot I was, when I thought that our friendship was actually stronger than just mere beliefs, that did not exist at all, but was simply born from the paranoid and suspicious mind of yours.

Well, too bad for you. Because you have lost a friend who once truly cared about you. Who actually enjoyed your company. Who didn't mind being called pet pervert by you, in fact probably subconsciously liked it because she thought it meant that the two of you were more than just normal friends, maybe not best friends, but perhaps at least good friends. Who was willing to help you fake that MC you needed just so that you can go on your little trip with your other half (fyi im not saying this because I want to say things like "oh you owe me a favor" etc.. I didn't want/need you to give me a treat. Simply because I truly believe that that's what good friends are willing to do for each other.... even though it may actually be dangerous [it is, after all, a fraud]).

Too bad.

And goodbye.

For good.

if today was your last day - nickelback

2010-09-10T09:50:00.000+08:00

If Today Was Your Last Day - Nickelback

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
'Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

2010-09-09T10:48:00.001+08:00

hias im so tired.

yes i am tired too. but i dun want to give up just like that.

我不甘心就这样放弃。

我

不

甘

心

Sent from my iPhone(:

goodbye..

2010-09-08T17:16:00.000+08:00

today i lost more than a business partner.

i lost a friend.

sad as i may be. i must move on. don't think about it anymore. no use crying about it anymore.

goodbye is goodbye. after all.

goodbye

2010-09-08T16:03:00.000+08:00

他们说

再见不是不见

可是。。

“说了再见，才发现再也见不到。。”

SUUUUper sians day

2010-09-06T16:40:00.000+08:00

1000h - 1200h data collection
1200h - 1400h tutorial (replacing someone -_-)
1500h - 1700h data collection

such a damn shaggggggged and damn siaaaaaaaaans day today ):

sorry can't help it just needed to VENT! ): ): ): ): ):

Invictus

2010-08-30T01:26:00.001+08:00

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance
My head is bloody but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
Yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

-William Ernest Henley-

tuesday 8-10am

2010-08-23T19:27:00.000+08:00

this semester im tutoring PL1101E, again. well i requested for it actually (: because i taught this before so i think it should be quite manageable this time round..

the bad thing is that the timing for the tutorials are ALL SO BAD ): i am taking 2 classes - odd weeks tuesday 8-10am and even weeks tuesday 6-8pm. YES -____________-" --> this is how i feel. totally shitty larhs the timings~

but oh wells i guess i just have to get used to it.. luckily for odd weeks i can stay over at didi's house (: which is SO MUCH nearer to school :D then at least i don't have to wake up too early..

well wish me luck for the first tutorial of this semester - which is tomorrow!! (:

catching up

2010-08-19T15:56:00.000+08:00

caught up with some psych master friends today.. finally.. after like so long (just a few months actually haha) of not seeing them..

met up with suqi and minyee for a quick break at the canteen during my free time slot.. both of them are actually most of the time at imh.. seldom get to see them in school at all ):

kaiqin - well we are taking (as in tutoring) the same module this sem so i'll prob see him quite often? haha

all 3 of them are doing projects other than their thesis!! and probably publishable projects!!

i am so SUPER envious of them~~

wells.. all of us know.. publications count a lot. they (supposedly) say a lot about you. especially who you publish with. and they just shine and bling in their resume~

maybe i should ask ryan hong whether i can help in any of his other projects... hmm~~~~~~~

but im so SUPER caught up in like data collection now ): sighs ): ): ):

2010-08-18T19:36:00.000+08:00

have you ever looked around when you are on the train? and counted the number of iphone users?

i've always managed to count an amazing number of them (:

cool isn't it?

how something like that can, like, take over the world?

Sent from my iPhone(:

2010-08-18T19:32:00.001+08:00

life isn't about finding yourself.
life is about creating yourself.

- meaningful quote i saw on the shirt of a girl on the train on my way home. (:

Sent from my iPhone(:

science

2010-08-16T16:06:00.000+08:00

whenever i take 95 past science or whenever i am around s16, i am always reminded of how i spent my year 1, when didi was still in nus(:

the times we spent together studying in the stats lab.
the times we walked over the overhead bridge to eat at dover market.
the times i popped over from arts just to surprise him in his lab.
and not forgetting his too-big-for-me-jacket - the warmest in the world.

Sent from my iPhone(:

Don't Quit

2010-08-13T00:08:00.000+08:00

Don't quit when the tide is lowest,
For it's just about to turn;

Don't Quit over doubts and questions,
For there's something you may learn.

Don't quit when the night is darkest,
For it's just a while 'til dawn;

Don't quit when you've run the farthest,
For the race is almost won.

Don't quit when the hill is steepest,
For your goal is almost nigh;

Don't quit, for you're not a failure
Until you fail to try.

-Jill Wolf-

journey of the youth olympic flame - yishun! (:

2010-08-12T02:27:00.001+08:00

the youth olympic flame came to yishun today! :D

a real pity i missed it passing by my house because i was coming back from elsewhere. fortunately, i still managed to catch it! (: it was because of the rain, which forced a late start off of the afternoon relay. (in the morning it went to the bukit timah, clementi and bukit panjang area before coming to the north via mandai~)

on the way home i was keeping track of where the torch was at via the live map provided on the official website - a really clever innovation (: thanks to it, i managed to catch up with it along yishun ave 4, just beside the yishun park (:

and haha because i studied the route earlier on i knew that it was going pass my primary school - chongfu primary school. so to catch up with it there i walked to the bus stop near my house and took 811 from there. i haven't taken 811 past that bus stop since forever~ can't remember the last time i did that. going on that route again today brings back faint memories of when i was in primary school (: how i used to take the bus to school and back. and i almost always went home straight away after school. to the lunch that mommy used to cook for us (:

ok back to the torch.

yishun avenue 4

it was more happening here. they set up a sound system there and they played You Are The One, Singapore~ (: wells i guess i was influenced by others' opinions and i thought the song sound silly and all. but hearing it being played at the occasion itself, the song really managed to create the atmosphere and made me feel really excited! (: the more i listen to the song, the more i think that it's actually a really nice and catchy song (: and the dance moves are quite cute, don't you think? (:

it was drizzling slightly but the rain did not dampened the atmosphere at all! :D

the little kids from northland primary school were the ones who were tasked to welcome the torch along this stretch of road. i really have to applaud this intelligent move of the organising committee - making use of the many schools around singapore to cheer the torch bearers on as they relayed the torch around singapore (:

yishun avenue 6

the students of northland secondary school and chongfu primary school lined the entire yishun avenue 6 to await the arrival of the torch (: the primary school students are noticeably much more excited about this whole event, whereas the secondary school students are obviously more excited about being outside of class than anything else. nevertheless, everyone cheered really loudly - blowing their whistle and waving the clapper in their hands - when the torch made its way down the avenue (:

my 学弟学妹 waved handmade flags they made in class and shouted "go singapore go..." as the torch bearer ran past (:

not sure where the motorcycles came from?! 'cos they did not appear at yishun avenue 4~

there were people who ran down the avenue together with the torch bearer (:

it's really heartwarming to see people cheering the torch along the way (:

linkin park

2010-08-11T13:16:00.001+08:00

listening to linkin park first album brings back memories...

Sent from my iPhone(:

overseas

2010-08-10T22:32:00.000+08:00

somehow.. my friends all seem to be going overseas for holiday!!

europe japan hongkong australia

makes me want to go overseas too!!

with my didi (:

2010-08-09T16:30:00.003+08:00

It's been really long since I last blogged as Shiyun has just reminded me...

I do have a say in this blog just that I have not been particularly active.(:

Brief update, the last year has been a life changing one. Spent a lot of time philophising on the meaning of life.

The answer, in my opinion, is:

1. Understanding who you are;
2. Determining where you want to go; and
3. Decide how you want to get there.

All this has led me to apply for full-time Master's. The schedule for the course is extremely hectic over the coming year and I apologise to my friends for not being able to spend more time with you. But please believe that I will always keep each and everyone of you in my thoughts.

Take care and we will meet again.

happy birthday singapore (:

2010-08-09T15:42:00.002+08:00

happy birthday my beloved singapore (:

Song for Singapore - Corraine May

It's a brand new day, a brand new story
I remember the way it used to be
We've come so far.
You're my history, you're my beginning
In all I've done
been nurtured in your arms
And you've carried me this far

I want to sing,
sing a song for Singapore
with every generation
there's more to be grateful for
So come and sing
sing a song for Singapore
You're my brother, you're my sister,
I'm thankful for my Singapore
My Singapore, my Singapore.

Come together everybody
Fly the flag and share our story
Live our wildest dreams
Celebrate the red and white
The moon and stars in harmony unite
Let every colour every heart

Come on and sing,
sing a song for Singapore
with every generation
there's more to be grateful for
So come and sing
sing a song for Singapore
You're my brother, you're my sister,
I'm thankful for my Singapore
My Singapore, my Singapore

We've had our ups and downs
Sometimes the best things are taken for granted
You’re my family, you’re my home.

merlion

2010-08-09T11:45:00.007+08:00

when out with merlion yesterday (:

it's always nice to meet up with her :D
being with her i can just be myself
i can totally relax
we can talk about anything and everything under the sun
we love to do the same things - shopping, playing haunted house, watching gossip girl etc

i love you merlion! :D

we ate dinner at far east plaza in a restaurant named resto surabaya. this dish is ayam penyet surabaya (: it's really very nice! (: and the chili is damn shiok~

merlion loves the nostalgic mode in my s90 haha (: so we took photos (again) using the different degrees of nostalgic-ness

notice anything different about us? (: we got new headbands! denim ones to be exact! :D

happy things (:

2010-08-09T10:43:00.002+08:00

i read somewhere that we should write in our diary/blog about happy stuff (: so that one day when/if we look back, we'll be reminded of the happy moments in our life (:

instead of the sad or unhappy stuff.
instead of believing that we have been suffering our entire life.

so i'll try to make it a point to blog about happy stuff from now onwards... (:

wells i can't deny that melancholy makes a good writing partner.. but i'll try to distance myself from it when i'm writing (:

flea #2

2010-08-07T20:30:00.001+08:00

second flea for thirdseptember just finished. on the train on my way home now.

wells sales wasn't as good as expected. ): we blame it om the insufficient publicity for the event on the organisers' side and also really bad choice of venue.

take home message: always recee the place before booking a place at the bazaar.

yes that's quite commonsense yes but we didn't think it'll be that bad ):

but well learning from mistakes is the way towards improvement(:

next collection after national day that week(: keep a lookout(:

----

well working with perv and mer has really been a roller coaster ride.. there were really high and happy times together. there were also really low and stormy periods to endure.

but i love the both of them dearly. and i love our brainchild and hardwork thirdseptember too(:

so im really determined to makr it work.. i know it won't be easy.

but im not giving up without a fight. (:

we can do it!(:

Sent from my iPhone(:

2010-08-07T09:41:00.001+08:00

blogging on the go test~ (:

Sent from my iPhone(:

insects

2010-08-07T08:48:00.003+08:00

friends who are not friends.

do you have these kind of ~~people~~ insects around you too?

insects that still have anything to do with you simply because you were from the same clique before. therefore when you go for outings you can't don't ask them along too 'cos there's something called facebook photos and if the insects see you all going out, they will, with their one ounce brain, think "why was i not invited?" and they will then use their innate insects abilities to either make you feel bad or make you feel sorry.

and you naturally feel bad to be bad to insects. because after all we are nice people right? we don't like to hurt insects' feelings. we don't just take a book and crush them to death simply because that's a life too right? (unless it's a cockroach, that is.)

so we've learned to live around insects. insects that nibble away at our precious time.

precious time that we should only spend with people who deserves our time. (:

school

2010-08-04T17:11:00.002+08:00

school's going to start real soon. in less than a week's time.

it's really nice to be able to mug together with didi again. (:

[really mugging together and not like im mugging and he's just accompanying me... it's different. cos when he's just accompanying me he gets distracted and do other stuff etc... but when we are really mugging together we are both serious and we get lots of work done! (: i mean for me it's definitely more than if im studying alone... which means i'll most probably end up doing other things or sleeping zzZZzzzz]

i got to do that during my first year in NUS..
and also now in (probably) my last year in NUS.

我是幸福的。(:

i miss you

2010-07-24T11:03:00.002+08:00

it's been ages since i last blogged...

what's prompting me to blog today?

cos my dear pig finally updated her blog today..

it's, since my birthday, the first time i've heard from her...

it seems like it's been decades since i've heard from her ..

i really wonder if she knows...

how much we all miss her................

i care. i really do.

i've never seen her cry before ):

2009-12-06T13:10:00.001+08:00

i've never seen mommy cry before ):

just now she was crying when she told me she have to rush to the hospital to see my grandma.. ):

was really at a lost of what to do... asked her if she needed me to go with her she said it's ok...

i really hope both of them will be fine..

so much!

2009-09-08T15:20:00.001+08:00

just met my supervisor

omg

really overwhelming?

not really

but

still very tired

lasted nearly 2 hours

still a lot of things unconfirmed

sighs

i don't like uncertainty

i don't like research

i really don't

but it's ok

i'll strive for my final goal

friends out there who are fighting too

like merlion like pig

let's jiayous tgt k (:

dreams

2009-09-05T00:07:00.001+08:00

All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.

sorry

2009-08-29T23:18:00.004+08:00

sorry ):

sorry i always say the meanest thing that i don't mean.

sorry for being such a spoilt and bad tempered kid.

i really don't know what's wrong with me ):

everytime i hurt you unintentionally, i really hate myself so much.

always acting before i think.

always saying things that are too late to be taken back.

walk through this together with me hao ma?

Always walking together.(: < m m >

good place to mug

2009-08-24T18:24:00.002+08:00

there's so many things to do

oh no!

but i still keep procrastinating.

this is so bad.

i can't seem to find a good place to study.

neither home nor school seem to have a place for me!

sigh i was just getting used to the comfortable studying environment in my b301.

finally.

2009-08-20T12:08:00.001+08:00

waiting is a very tedious process.

as you wait for an answer.

you feel so helpless.

you want to do some things.

but you aren't sure whether the things will do will be useful in the end.

so all you are left with.

is the waiting.

my waiting ended yesterday.

finally. (:

first week of school

2009-08-13T10:42:00.001+08:00

wells..

it really feels very weird to be back in school.. with no familiar faces around ):
makes me feel really lonely ):

especially miss pervert mervert and navert sighs ):

and sians larhs
havent decided what modules to take yet ):

and for the teaching assistant thingy..
the coordinator is taking too freaking long to brief us.
only received an email for her yesterday saying that we'll be meeting next week
but she cant even confirm the time and place
wah kaoz

i realised everyone is working very hard
makes me feel freaking freaking stressed

and oh
i really cant stand travelling to school
after having stayed on campus on my 4 years

omg
sighs

backdated

2009-08-01T11:59:00.001+08:00

i've been wanting to blog.. but keep forgetting HAHA (:

lets begin from the day i knew about my teaching assistant assignment! omg! it was really a shock! haha i opened the email and as what ryan hong told me earlier.. yes im ta-ing for pl1101e (introduction to psychology) this semester and his module personality and individual difference (which i must mention that i din even take before) next semester..

i mean yes he told me before but it's a totally different thing when like the official email arrives. i felt like the whole sky just dropped down or sth..

and omg on facebook michelle say she wants to crash my class.. so did anna.. omg.. im so going to die help x_x

-----------

matriculated as a masters student (: am glad that there's shuyi and minyee around (: all my clique people are no longer around ): that's sad cos it makes me feel lonely ): but luckily i know shuyi and minyee (who are both really nice people!!) so im really glad :D hehs (:

we took a photo of our old and new matriculation card. haha luckily got new photo~ my old one was too freaking ugly haha (:

-----------

celebrated junming's birthday for him (: belated (: went to eat ichiban boshi haha (: nice and yummy i love ichiban (: it's alwiz nice to meet up with my group 7 family (: really love them to bits (: it's just very comfortable to be around them hehs :D and we just go crazy tgt haha (: or maybe it's just fred papa and tan ching and kit ma and me.. tiong and junming are the more sane ones i think (: just that tiong alwiz get bullied haha.. and junming is just a bit too quiet (: but i love all of them nevertheless :D

-----------

went for teo's commencement (: she's quite mad.. on my way there kept receiving smses from her NOT TO GO! omg~ dunno what's wrong lehs she said she felt quite sad.. but when i saw her she's like quite ok lehs (: hehs (: she told me that she felt a bit sad like cos din work hard enuff initially then when in the end she started working hard it's a bit too late le ): sighs.. i can understand how she feels cos i feel like that too.. but it's ok teo! (: if u are reading this (: we'll work hard tgt now! (: u for ur gmat and me for my masters!! (:

-----------

celebrated xyz's birthday for him! (: early (: want to eat ichiban boshi. YES AGAIN (: haha :D i'll never get sick of it (: wells i realise different outlets got slightly different menus haha (: weird~ it was really a random outing (: fred papa organised and invited all sorts of people (: but we realised that majority of us were from slp (: hehs :D so cool~ (: we bumped into melvin eugene and gwen (: hehs :D havent seen them in a while so am really glad to see them :D hehs (: its alwiz nice to meet up with csc people (: hehs :D even if we don't have much connection we can still talk kok and have fun tgt (: that's what's really nice (:

-----------

just read pig's blog ): really worried about her now ): really hope that she'll be ok!! (: pig U CAN DO IT!! :D

-----------

going to meet han and shaowei later~ shao is gg US for grad school (: so li hai (: hehs :D having a little farewell lunch for him :D yepppp that's all for now i guess....

-----------

i must mug!!

squad outing (:

2009-07-26T04:11:00.001+08:00

ting came back from her europe trip (:

so we got tgt for a steamboat at buddy's house just so we can see her (:

it's nice to see her after such a long while :D

i think that it's really brave of her to do what she did~

cos to me i think it's really scary to travel around alone

and u know just being there without really pretty much knowing what to do and where to go!

really admire her courage (:

wells im just really glad she's back in singapore.

save and sound (:

welcome back ting! (:

sick ):

2009-07-21T02:27:00.001+08:00

have been sick for quite long le.

i guess the fever has said bye bye for now. im not sure i havent been measuring.

the nose runs once in a while. but most of the time it's just blocked.

the cough has been pretty persistent. and everytime i take my medicine i remember what xiao flo said. about the medicine just being a symptomatic thingy. as in it stops the symptoms. but the bad stuff are still inside you. your body sorta has to fight it by itself.

oh wells i hope my body wins some times soon.

i dun really dare to go out. din even go for junhui's bdae celebration today. had to stop myself. cos im so scared that if i go out it'll get worst again.

again?

cos i was getting better until i went out last friday and things went down the slope and that's when i decided to see a doctor and that's when the doctor said that they'll treat people (non-high-risk group that is) with flu symptoms as common flu and she happily sent me home after giving me some medicine.

oh wells.

i hope my body wins.

soon.

ushering

2009-06-28T21:23:00.001+08:00

last fri (26 jun).

went for my first ucc ushering duty...

was on the bus (96) and i saw nii-chan waiting for bus at the opp yih busstop. i waved to him excitedly and he pretended he din know me. slap him (: he said he was going for csc day outing~ cos tiong just got his pay and he's treating. must force him to treat group 7 too yay :D haha (:

newaes i was allocated house right door usher duty (: was shadowing a senior rajiv. learnt a lot (: wells it's still 5 bucks per hour now.. but if i get confirmed it'll be 7 (: haha :D hmm oh i sorta told them im year 2 going year 3 HAHA it's bad cos i realised that some of them will be ushering during my convo haha then of cos they'll see me right? haha..

i dun mean to bluff/cheat them really... but just imagine it's really weird.. all of them are like undergrad then if i tell them like i grad le isnt it like uber weird?? so well.. we'll see larhs~ haha (:

lesson of the day: it's really hard to cover up a lie.

distracted ):

2009-06-21T19:25:00.001+08:00

i used to be able to use studying to block out unneccessary sad thoughts.

used to.

invisible

2009-06-19T12:18:00.001+08:00

do you ever feel like you are invisible at home?

i do.

revival! (:

2009-06-19T10:02:00.002+08:00

hello bloggy (:

i decided to revive you after what seems like 4 months! (: haha :D i hope you din miss me too much!! :D haha (:

wells what have i been doing this 4 months? was trying to mug really hard hha (: but wells what has to come will come and it was as expected.. it's like i knew all along really.. but i wanted to try.. i din want to give up.. and im really glad i tried.. even though i missed by some 2 decimal places... it's really the trying that matters (: i mean it's the process that matters.. haha yes my english still cannot make it larhs HAHA

wells i've secured a masters by research with my department.. not bad really? haha (: but i really am still hoping they won't ask me to TA please.. sigh i dun mind helping the dept with all the rubbish shit admin stuff but can they please dun tell me to TA sighs ): i really can't!! im scared!! i can't teach i can't explain things to large groups of people i can't!! haha... sighs...

wells i've also gotten myself really crazy about this korean boyband dong bang shin ki! (: everyday's a dong bang day!! (: hehs :D really love them (don't worry DIDI i still love you the most!) to bits (: haha :D junsu yoochun jaejoong changmin yunho (: haha i prefer to call them by their name rather then their artist names (xiah micky hero max uknow) haha :D wells i like junsu the best!! :D haha (: he's so freaking adorable yet hot at the same time.. i mean all of them are.. but he's the most haha (: and they all sing damn well (: i like it when the 5 of them sing tgt (: when they sing alone it's freaking nice too (: but when they all sing tgt it's freaking x10 nice HAHA :D

wells now.. haha im volunteering at kk hospital (: haha not as a nurse (as stoopid tiong wei suggested.. really -____-) but at their department of child development (: hehs :D it's really cool cos the people there are SO nice!! (: hehs :D and i got to sit into some of their assessment sessions (: i din know assessments were like that (: haha :D but after sitting in i CONFIRM that what i want to do is the intervention NOT the assessment... haha (: i mean i dunno larhs according so some matthew woo assessment is our bread and butter.. so maybe we have to do both as a clinical psychologist? haha i dunno eh HAHA (: but wells i believe the intervention part should be more fun? haha not that i've sat into any sessions before or really experience before but oh wells haha (:

wells im also trying to start on my thesis... but since im toking to you now you should be able to tell that im getting no where there -_- sighs.. ive been reading the same article for god knows how long sighs... come on i cant slack anymore!! i really hope to pass the ethics comm before school starts.. please!!

oh and some 6 days ago i turned 23! (: haha :D wells i still feel the same as when i was 22, 21, 20 ... but oh when i look at all the new people in csc (helped out at pah).. i know for sure that i've grown old.. sighs ):

i don't want to grow old!! haha (:

mixed feelings

2009-02-01T22:10:00.003+08:00

went to visit my grandma (maternal side) today.
she's the last of my grandparents who is still alive.

i couldn't believe what i saw when i first laid my eyes on her.
omg she's so thin. ): so much thinner than the last time i saw her.. ):

we sat down with her and did some small talk.

i held her hands for the first time in my life today...
im so scared that it'll be the last time too..

mommy din say din even show but i know she must have felt the same as i do..
fearful and wary of when the day will come when we will no longer be able to see her. left my grandma's place feeling troubled and heavy hearted. ):

yet on the other side today was the first time in a long time my family went out for dinner tgt... really havent had a good talk with my brother since dunno when... so im really happy that we spent the night tgt (: im sure my parents are happy too (:

i wanna treasure all these time tgt with my family because..

time is ticking away. slowly but surely.

i hate to think about this kind of topic it makes me really down and sad so when my mind wanders over i'll pull it back.

and try in vain to block the morbid topic away.

february

2009-02-01T10:59:00.003+08:00

so fast!

the first month of 2009 is over le ):

going into the second month le...

past week i've been really slack ): can't get myself to study at all ): hias.. cannot like that!! very bad ): jiayous jiayous jiayous (:

if u all catch me on facebook or msn pls chase me off and warn me that i better go and study! :D

thank you. (: